not so boring, maybe?
the cYBERbORE

dutch names

O Schittrende keleren

In 1811, the year before he got his ass kicked out of Russia, Napoleon decreed that the Dutch would have to register their names. And so they did, which made it much harder for their sons to escape being used as future cannon-fodder.



The Dutch, among the greatest saboteurs in the world, never believed that the names would stick once Napoleon would have been beaten, something they devoutly hoped and sincerely believed. They treated it as a joke and thought up some pretty weird names. The mildest of those names are like de Keizer (the Emperor); the most outrageous one I know is that of Mevrouw (Mrs.) Truus Fokke-Pijpers, a lady who ran a bar around the corner where I used to live in the Hague (to drop a name, Vincent van Gogh used to live in the same Assendelftstraat. No doubt in one of the abounding attics.)
Many times, the names were taken down by a French official who would not have understood them; but the Dutch representatives of the French government often must have been in on the joke, as well. Dutch is full of double entendres anyway, viz. "double Dutch".
As so often happens, when Holland was freed the French decree was kept on the books and people had to stay with those names. And still do. Under present Dutch law, one of the reasons you may change your legal name is because it's "ridiculous or obscene [onwelvoeglijk]". But even then, you have to pay the Person €226.98 (August 2002).
Even dogs get obscene names in Holland: How would you feel if they called you "Fikkie"?
Names below are in alphabetical/lexicographical order, following the Dutch convention. Keep in mind that the way they are now spelled in the USA and elsewhere may be different. For example, Vandermolen would be found under Molen (van der), where you would also have to look for Van Dermolen, Der Molen, Van de Molen, van Molen, Mullen, Meulen, Mulder and what have you (they all mean Mill or Miller). Just subtract syllables like van, de, het, der. And mind the spelling; the Dutch have a habit of spelling especially ei as ij, eij, y or ey and even e or ee. K, ck, kk and c or a, aa, ae can also be tricky. "Y" often is "ij", look under i.
As "Afrikaans" (Dutch South-African) and "Vlaams" (Belgian Flemish) are members of the same family, funny names of that ilk are also on this list. Belgian even formed part of the Netherlands under Napoleon and later; not that the Belgians liked it.

All these names are real.

You may sometimes want to give them the benefit of the doubt; I left out names like "From the Mountain" as they might be legitimate and not necessarily referring to the Mons veneris (even though there is not one real mountain to be found in the Netherlands, they do call hills that). On the other hand, why are there so many more Eikels/Oaks around than other trees? Makes one wonder. The oak is considered a holy tree wherever it grows, but the Dutch do use the word "eikel" abusively; so I put it in.
Just don't read them all in one session.

By the way, Rip van Winkle doesn't sound that Dutch at all... so I put him in regardless.

Know more names that should be on the list?
Thanks.


Hint: Looking for a specific name?
Hit <CTRL> <F> to SEARCH



Aalmoes
alms
Aanstoot
offence
Aap
ape
Aarsen, van
ass
Aarsman
arse man
Adoptie
adoption
Aldus
like this
Alleman
everybody
Anders
different
Next! What's your name?Anders.
Antersijn
Anders zijn = to be different
Baardemaker
beard maker
Bal
ball
Bangeman
scared man
Balen, van
of the sack, but also of the scrotum, and also disgusted
Bals
Ball
Baren, van
from waves, but also having been born
Baselmans
man from Basel, but also drivel talker
Beerman
bear man, but also muck man
Beerepoot
bear paw, but check Beerman
Beest
beast
Bef, Beffers, Befjes
muff diver
van Beneden
from under
Bestebreurtje
best little brother
Bierenbroodspot
beer and bread dish
Biervliet
stream of beer
Bikker
eater, chipper/scraper, but also pimp
Billekens
Buttocks
There is at least one couple Billekens-Jeuken - Buttocks-Itch
Bilsik
buttock beard
Bilstra
buttocker
Bink
hunk
Bloot, Blöte
naked
Blijleven
merry life
Boef
scoundrel
Boelhouwer [Bölhouwer, Beulhouwer]
hangman-slasher
Bok, de
billy-goat
Bolton
bulbous barrel
Bontecou, Bontekoe
spotted cow
Bontecou=Fancy Frenchy spelling
Boorder, Boorsma
from the waterside, but also driller - uhuh.
Bos
wood, or bush
Bovendeerd
above ground (not buried)>
Bozeman
angry man
Braak, Brakel, Braakman
fallow, but also puke
Bras
carouse
Broekman
man with pants, but also "from the morass"
Buren, van
neighbor, also by/of/from neighbor
Burger
citizen
Cannegieter, Kannegieter
jug caster, but also pourer
Casembroot
Kaasenbrood
Cliteur
Not a Dutch word; Latin or Greek to me
and then frenchized...
Cruijsen, Kruisen
from the cross, but also crotch
Darm
entrails
Dekkers
breeder, but also thatcher, slater
Dicke, Dieke, Dikke
the thick one
Dierkop
beast head
van Diggelen
smithereens
Dingemans
man of the thing; also what's-his-name
Dinges
what's-his-name
Dobbelman, Dubbelman
Doubleman
either very thick, or "twice your man"; or maybe a gambler
Dobbelsteen
dice
Dol, Dolman
mad (crazy), madman
Do(o)d[eman]
dead [man]
van den Dool
drifter
van Doorn
of the Thorn
but "Doorne","Deurne" are legit Dutch place names
Domen
Con Domen [= Con Doms] won the 2010 prize
for "the most shameful Dutch name"
Donders
thunder, also ass
Dorst, van
of thirst
Drijfhout
driftwood
Dronkers
drunk
Duimelaar
thumbsucker,
thumb twiddler
Duitman
money man
Eennennaam, van
a name
Eijkel, van de
from the acorn (=glans)
Eikelboom, -stam, -stronk
oak tree, stem, trunk (acorn=glans)
Elk
any one
Enebakk
some joke
Engel
angel
Engelhart
angel heart
Fiedeldei Dop
untranslatable
expresses joyous abandon in songs &c.
Flapper
sloucher, flapper
Florijn
florin, guilder
Foppen
to fool somebody
Focken, Fokker, Focking
breeder, breeding - uh huh
also foresail and by analogy, big nose
Fukken, Fukkin, Fukkink
breeder, breeding - uh huh
Geil
horny
Gein, Gijn
fun
Geld, van der
money
Gelderloos
without money
Gelt
sterilized pig or cattle
Geltdekker
either servicing sterilized pig or cattle, or, using sterizilized animals to breed with
just might mean 'thatching roofs for money'
Gevangenis
prison
Gier, de
vulture or liquid manure
Ginderachter, van
from back yonder
Ginderen, van
from over there
Gladpootjes
slippery paws
Glashouwer
glass chopper
Godschalk
rogue of God
Goedgezelschap
good company
Goedgenoeg
Goodenough (also used in English)
Goor
filthy
Graaf, de
count
Griep
influenza
Grim
grim
Grol
joke
Grollenberg
mountain of jokes
Grootepunt-Borsten
big point-breasts
Grotestam
big stem
Guitink
joker
Haarbos
hair bush
Haas
hare
Mijn naam is haas, My name is hare means I'm getting out of here, fast or I wouldn't know a thing about it
Halfwerk
half work
Hambeukers
ham beater
Hardendood
heavy death
Haren, van
from Haren town, but also from hair
Harlekijn
harlequin
Hartog, Hertog, de
duke
Heilig, Heiliger, Heyliger
(more) holy
Hellenberg
hell mountain
Helman, Helleman
man from hell, devil
Hendryx, Hendriks
Jimi didn't look typically Dutch, but his last name is; or Danish
Hengel, van
fishing rod
Hengst
stallion
Hetebrij
hot porridge (pussies proverbially turn circles around it)
Heyden
pagan
Hilbrand, Hillebrand, Hollebrand
hellfire
Hobbelen
to jolt - uh huh
Hoenderdos
chicken plumage, but in Afrikaans chicken shit
Holman, Holleman
man from hell, devil
Hond, de
dog
Hoogmoed
pride
Hork, van de
uncouth guy
Hottentot
Hottentot
Hundescheit
dog poop (funnily germanized)
Hurk, van de
uncouth guy
Ickx
I(=)X (for foundlings)
Ietswaart
worth something
Jeuken
itcher
Jeukendrup
drop of itch... hmmm
Jongen, de
boy
Jongepier
young guy, literally young worm (young Pierre)
Kaal
bald
KaasenbroodCheese and bread
obvious spoof of nobility name Casembroot
Kaasjager
cheese hunter
actually, a guy who towed barges with cheese through canals - but mind Kaasschieter
Kaasschieter
cheese shooter
Kakbergen
mountains of shit
obvious spoof of nobility name Hakkenberg
Kampen, Kampenaar
from Kampen
Dutch equivalent of German Schildbürg
town with legendarily stupid inhabitants

Keesen
son of Kees (Cornelius), but also fucker
Keesmaat
Mate Kees, but also fucking mate
Kerkhof, van
of the graveyard, dead man
Keizer, Keyzer, de
emperor
Keizerweerd
worth an emperor
Kibbelaar
Quibbler
Kiers
Crack
Kip
chicken; spelled backwards pecker
Kleinendorst
small thirst
Kleingeld, Kleinpenning
small change
Kloot, Kloots, Klootsema
ball
Klungel
clumsy clod
Knaap
Boy, spec. virgin
Kneepkens
Pincher
Koekoek
cuckoo
Komtebedde
come to bed
Koning, de
king
Kont
ass, not cunt
Koopziek
buying mad
Koppelaar
match-maker, procurer [coupler]
Kortleven
short life
Kots
puke
Krabben, Krabber, Krabbe, Krabbé
scratch
think crabs
Kreukniet
do not crease
Krikke
krikken=to fuck
Kroes
drinking mug, but also curly (hair)
Kruis
cross, crotch
Kruishaar
cross hair, but also crotch hair
Kruk
crutch, but also bungler
Kuis
chaste
van Kut
of the cunt
Kutschutter
cunt shooter (also: bad shooter}
Kwaadvlieg
mad fly
Kwaaisteniet
not the worst
Kwakkenbos
cum bush
Kwakkernaat
cunt (or ass) with cum
Kwakman
cum man
Kwast, van der
painting brush (=penis), joker, jester
Kwenie
don't know (dunno)
Lachniet
don't laugh
Lam
lamb, cripple, but also drunk
Latten, Latjes
lath, but also to fuck
Leeflang
live long
Lidteken, Litteken
scar
Loermans
leerer
might be Leurmans, vendor
Lonkers
ogler, leerer
Lor
rag
Lolkema
buffoon
Lubberding
loose, baggy thing
"lubberen" even means to suck
van Lulle
of the prick
Lummel, Lummul
lout, obviously derived from lul=prick
Lustig
merry
Maagd
virgin (female)
Magermans
skinny fellow
Man, de
the man
Mannetje, 't
the little man
Marsman
man from Mars? no: peddler, hawker
Meiden, van der
of the girls
Melig
blah
Menig
many
Mens
human
Merkies
marquis
Mijnheer
mister
Mijnlieff
my love
Minnen, van
of love
Minnaar
lover
Modder
mud
Monster
monster (also a small town)
Mooi
beautiful
Mosselman
Mussel Man, Muslim
Mostertman
mustard man
The Dutch proverbially wonder where Abraham got his mustard-seed
(but the guy may just have sold mustard)

Naad, van de
from the seam, crack
Naaijer
sewer (not the draining type), but also fucker
Naaktgeboren
born in the nude
Naterop
on the crack [op d'r naad]
Natte
wet one
Nederbos, Nederhof, Nederlof
nether bush, garden, leaves
Netelenbos
nettle bush
Neuker, de
the fucker
Niemandsverdriet
nobody's sorrow
Niks, Nix
nothing
de Nul
zero
Oenema
fool
Oldekeizer
old emperor
van Onderen
from under, also Timber!
Onderwater
underwater
Ongerief
inconvenience
van Oort
from a place
van Onlangs
from lately
Openeer
open honour, but also
up and down
Ossenkop
ox head
Overrijp
over ripe
Paalstaander
pole stander
"ik sta voor paal" - I'm shown up as a fool
Paal, Paalman
post or pole, man of the pole
Palen also means to fuck
Paalvast
sturdy post
Paardestaart
horse tail
Pater
priest
Pardon
pardon
this one is pretty risqué, as of course the word is French
Paus, Pous, de
pope
Pegels
money
Penninks
coins
Penseel
artist's brush, Kwast
Persoon
person
Pestman
plague man, pester man
Pief, Pieffers
guy
mostly rare pief - weird guy
Piel, Piels
prick
Pielkenrood
red prick
Pielstroom
prick stream
Piest
pisses
there is a couple Piest-van Achteren
(pisses from behind)
Pikkema
son of a dick
may mean something different in orig. Friesian
Pikkemaat
prick pal
or sailor, mate; or, possibly, prick measure
Pijper(s)
cocksucker
of course it also means piper/flutist, like those aboard ships,
or like the Pied Piper; think piping hot
Platje
crab (the itching kind)
Platvoet
flatfoot
Poen
money
Poepjes
poopoo
Poot
(animal) leg, also fag
Pot
(animal) pot, also lesbian
Prick, pricken
to prick
Prins
prince
Pronk
show off
Proost
cheers!
Pruim
prune
also used for female genitals
Prutsman
bungler
Quak
cum, fancy spelling
Quaden, Quaaij, Quaed
bad man, angry man (fancy spelling)
Quast
see Kwast
Quispel
Kwispel [fancy spelling]
Tail wag
Ram
ram
Reet[h]
crack, seam
Rhuggenaath
back crack, asshole very fancy spelling
Rijke, Rijkers
rich
Rip van Winkel

van Roeden
of the rod
Roemer
rummer
Roes
(drunken) rush
Ronde
round man
Roovers, Rovers, Roverts
robber
Rotman
you'll never guess
Rotteveel
rots too much, rat too much
Rovers
brigand
Rukkers
jacker
Saat
seed, also sperm
Saayman
dull man, or seed man
Scheijdt
shit, fancy spelling
Schepper, de
the Creator
(also the shoveler)
Scherpbier
tart beer
Scherptong
sharp tongue
van der Scheur
of the (cloth) tear
Scheurleer
tears leather
Scheurwater
water from the tear
Schuurbier
barn beer
Seinpaal
sign post
Siepelman
seeping man
Sipkes
sad man
Slappendel
slack slut
Slegte, de
the bad one
Slettenhaar
Slut hair
Slijm, van der
from the slime
Smachten, van der
yearner
Snelleman
fast man
Snetselaar
who knows... there's no such word
but sounds obscene to me
Snikkelson
prickson
Soetekouw
gourmet
Spanbroek
tight pants
Spijkerbos[ch]
nail bush
not fingernail, the carpenter kind - ouch
Spiering
smelt
proverbial bait for codfish
Stam, van der
of the stem
Stamper
stamp, pound - uh huh
Stapel
heap, but also crazy
Stijf, Stief, Stive,
Stiff
Stoelman
chair man, but also stool man
Stokman
stick man
Struikelblok
stumbling block
Suijkerbuijk
sugar belly
Sukkel
sucker
Tam, Tammeling, Tammenga, Tamminga
tame, but also prick
but is Friesian—might mean anything
Teelen
breed, breeding - uh huh
There exists at least one couple Even-Teelen, do a quick breed
Tering, Teerink
consumption, also tuberculosis
Treuren
mourn
Treurniet
don't be sad
Troost
comfort
Turk
Turk
Uilemans
owl man (stupid)
Uitdeketting
loose from chain
Uitdenbroek
from the swamp; also pants off.
van Unen
van Oenen, fool
Vader(s)
father
Varkenvisser
pig fisher
but a varkenvis is a porpoise, Delphinus phocoena
van der Vat
of the barrel
van Winkel (Rip)

Verlaat
delayed, but also not an onverlaat = varlet
Vermeend
alleged, pretended
Verwardt
mixed up
Vette
fat man
Vijzelman
pestle man - uh huh
Vleesdrager
meat/flesh carrier
Voorhuid, van der
from the foreskin
Voos
rotten, lewd
Voorzaat
ancestorbr>
Vorst
monarch, also frost
Vreugdewater
joy water
Vries, de
Frisian
The most common Dutch name. Many Jews seem to have taken it.
(The Frisians are well-known for their outstandingly developed noses)

Vrijer, de
lover
Vrolijk
merry
Vruchtwater
amniotic fluid
just possibly fruit juice
Waterdrinker
water drinker
Weltevreden
well content
Werp, Worp, van de
from the litter
Wild, Wildeman, Wilderman
wild, wild man
Wilhelmus
also title of national anthem
van Winkel (Rip)
A well-known character in American mythology.
This is sheer pedantry... I happen to know that Rip is not a Dutch name at all. Nor is it a German, Deutsch, one. It's mostly spelled Winkle, but no German or Dutch would ever spell it other than Winkel. (Remember The Third Man? Amazon.uk Amazon.ca Vinkel... Doktor Vinkel.) Which means angle, but also shop — I guess it would have been the Shop on the Corner. Aw, it's just a story.
Wormgoor
filthy worm
Worst
wurst, sausage
Wulp, van der
kind of bird, but also lewd
IJsendoorn
thorn of iron, maybe thorn of ice
may also mean thorn to be scared of
Zaad
seed, sperm
Zaadboom
seed tree
van 't Zelfde
[more] of the same
Zieleman
man with a soul
Zoetbier
sweet beer
Zoetelief
sweetheart
Zondergeld
without money
Zonderland
without country
Zondernaam
without name
Zondervan
nameless
Zooitjens
rubbish, mess
Zoontjens
son
Zuurbier
sour beer
Zwartkruis
black cross or crotch
Zwerver/Zwerwer
tramp, wanderer
Zwetsloot
blether ditch
Zwijn, Zwijnen
swine


I will keep adding more such names as they come up. This is not so boring, I think.
If you know any names I missed, please Thanks.




Search this site powered by FreeFind
back
Custom Search


copyright notice
all material on this site, except where noted
copyright © by , curaçao
reproduction in any form for any purpose is prohibited
without prior consent in writing